Sunrise was a searing crimson behind a mackerel sky. The omens were good — red sky in the morning, golfers performing.
About 20 of us turned up on the perfect autumn day and set out to improve our Eclectic scores. The course was looking immaculate and played as well as ever. There was still plenty of run on the fairways, the greens were holding and putting true. I played alongside Greg who went round in 75 with a birdie on the 10th. For me it was one of those days when it went hopelessly wrong or clicked perfectly. I blobbed six holes yet birdied three — not the first time I've had six blobs, but the first time I've ever had three birdies in the same round. But perhaps best of all was playing Greg for a beer on the 6th hole and winning. Beer never tastes better than when you've won it. When we got to the clubhouse it seemed many other players had also improved on many holes, so we will wait to see Roger's email to see how the table has changed. Mike Rawlings and Nick Trantom both had improvements but made the mistake of letting me see their cards — both their handicaps have been cut as a result. Good banter at the bar, shirt sleeves and shorts weather. . . great end-of-season fun.
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![]() It all looked so promising. Nine pairs of Musketeers arrived at Pallanne just after 8.00am, all dressed in black and white, all up for the annual match against Pallanne — the Water l'Eau Trophée. We knew it would be an uphill struggle as the losers of last year's event had chosen the format and the tees. We played the perverse Chapman format whereby each player drives then switches to the partner's ball for the second shot, then playing the chosen ball alternately. The match was made more difficult for the Musketeers by the Pallanne team persuading the Club Professional to play for them, along with the mens' club champion who is a Musketeer and should have played for us. They also chose to play off the Ladies' blue tees. However, we went along with it knowing we were a strong team with strong pairings. But it was not to be. The Pallanne team beat the Musketeers comprehensively and rubbed our noses in it over lunch by presenting us with a wooden spoon. Perhaps our downfall was the buffet table at the halfway point that offered copious amounts of red and rosé, consumed in quantity by the passing Musketeers, but not by the Pallanne members. In the end Pallanne deserved their victory because they played the better golf. The result levels the series at two matches each. However, aside from the golf the Musketeers won both the singing and the drinking. — always an important part of the day. On the plus side, as runners-up we will set the format for next year. We look forward to accepting Miguel's offer to play for us and we will be voting on whether to allow Greg back into our ranks as a team player after his defection. And the good news is that next year we won't be playing Chapman, next year won't be off the blue tees, and who knows, next year we may have ladies back in our team again! Well done Pallanne, but take note, we'll be back ! Never ones to make things easy, the French have a handicap system that requires a degree in mathematics.
Here's how it works. Each golf course is graded according to its degree of difficulty. This grading is called the slope. However, there is a different slope according to which tee you are playing from. Add to this the fact that the slope is different for men and women even from the same tees. So for example at Pallanne the slope from the blue tees is 132 for men and 138 for women. The average slope of all the golf courses is 113, so you can see that Pallanne is graded as quite a difficult course even from the blue tees. Now, as well as a slope there is the SSS — the Standard Scratch Score. As its name implies this is the average score that scratch players are expected to achieve. This also changes depending on whether the player is a man or a woman. Again, using the blue tees at Pallanne as an example, the SSS for men is 70.8 whereas for women it is 76.9. So how do we work out the handicap if we have a golfer's index? Here is the formula: Multiply the index by the relevant slope then divide by 113 then add the SSS and subtract 72. Here is an example using the slope and SSS for the Pallanne blue tees and my own golf index: 11.9 multiplied by 132 divided by 113 + 70.8 minus 72 which gives a handicap for me off the blue tees of 12.7. Simple ! If the magnificent Pyrenees are Nature's stage, then the golf course at Bagnères has a front row seat.
As Gérard and I drove along the long straight road towards the mountains yesterday morning the first rays of the morning sun hit the distant peaks with a ruddy blush — and we were in a bloody rush. Cards to hand out, briefing to be given, nearest pin and long drive markers to put out, pairings to announce. . . it's always all go once you arrive at a golf course on competition day. Clive had helped enormously by organising the event with the club and restaurant, and buying the prizes. Richard collected money while Keith raided the lost property box. (I kid you not, he was cold so helped himself to a smart green jumper and hat that someone had left. When we got back and sat in the sun on the terrace he swapped the jumper for someone's lost property sunglasses !) There were fifteen of us and we set off from the 10th and first tees simultaneously. I was part of a three ball with Pete Giles and Mike Thackwray and it looked as though Mike was going to win everything. On the first hole — a devilish downhill par 4 where it is impossible to stop the ball on the sloping green — Mike's tee shot was just short of the green leaving an unplayable approach. He said he didn't know what to do and started practising a Phil Mickleson 'helicopter' shot. Being on a severe downslope that looked an unlikely shot option, but Mike took a full backswing, slipped the 64° wedge under the ball which climbed steeply and dropped onto the green took once small bounce forward onto the flagstick and dropped into the hole. Thanks very much — an eagle and 5 points! Pete and I both parred the hole but felt totally outplayed. When we reached the 9th he took a very measured swing and smoothly stroked the ball down the fairway easily winning the longest drive. When we got to the par three 18th — the nearest the pin hole — he again took a measured swing ( this time with a 6-iron) and put his approach 2.9m from the pin. Had he not put a ball out of bounds on one hole and had his putting been anywhere near as proficient as his approach shots he would have shot the lights out. As it was two Musketeers came in ahead of him. Martin Conlong came second (there were jokes at this comment during the prize presentation which probably explains why we are an all-male golfing group) with 34 points and the winner, sporting a newish pair of sunglasses, was Keith Ridding with 35 points. Once again the food at Bagnères was exceptionally good — baked St.Marcellin in filo pastry followed by a delicious pork chop in a light curry sauce and followed by a croustade. The copious amounts of wine go without saying. Finally, a word about the trophy. Angus spotted it on Ebay earlier in the year. It is a turned and polished marble bon-bon bowl older than even the oldest Musketeer. Dating from the early part of the 20th century, it is embellished in art nouveau style in silver and gilt. Sitting on its shiny black plinth and with an engraved brass plaque it truly looked magnificent. We decided there and then that each winner's name should be added to the trophy. The bad news for Keith was that as last year's winner Clive had set a precedent by providing the first prize — a bottle of fizz and a dozen golf balls — that Keith was expected to return the trophy next year accompanied by a suitable first prize. Hopefully not a second-hand pair of sunglasses! Well, not just Englishmen — there was a mad Irishman among the four 'eejets' that played Pallanne today. It was the October Medal and scores could also count towards the Eclectic competition.
We arrived soon after 8.00am. It was raining. Not just raining, there were stair-rods and occasional thunder bolts and lightning flashes. So the four of us — Roger Barton, Richard Gibson, my crazy self and Fergus O'Neill had coffee and waited for the weather to subside. After about an hour we thought the rain had dwindled to a mere downpour, so we teed off from the 10th. Richard lost two balls, Roger's ball went in the lake, and Fergus bounced off a few trees before landing quite close to the green. I managed to hit the green and score my only par of the day. At about this time the lightning started up again. We consoled ourselves that it was 'sheet' lightning and therefore not dangerous and in any case, we had started so we would finish. Scores were not great on the 11th — two 8s a 7 and a 5 were nothing to brag about, but the conditions were horrendous. And they got worse. The greens resembled lakes and four putting was not unusual. Grips were sodden, we were drenched to the skin, we were suffering from wrinkle-finger, trench-foot and — thanks to non-breathable waterproof trousers — betty swollocks. We got so wet that Roger stopped for a change of clothes after 9 holes. But the great satisfaction is that we soldiered on. We were the only four people on the course, and we finished all 18 holes. Fergus played well and won the Medal, Roger came second despite having two 9s and an 8 on his card. I had a 9 and three 8s and still managed to cling on to third place and Richard took last place — and in so doing earned himself 4 points in the Player of the Year competition. He did that without the aid of a putter as he forgot to put one in his bag. After the round I worked out our better-ball score and our worse-ball score. Better-ball was an unimpressive 80 and the worse-ball a ridiculous 133 !!! They say it's not the winning, its the taking part. We did that today, we took part in spades. Dripping wet in the bar afterwards we enjoyed a couple of beers, we laughed, we reminisced, we told stories — ww had a great day. For the three mad Englishmen and the mad dog Irishman it was all about the 'craic'. |
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